Just Say No

Day: Friday, September 2nd
Time: 1:00 am
Place: My Mom’s House
Mood: thoughtful and excited (It’s my big sisters birthday!)

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Do you remember D.A.R.E? Well they did a great job of teaching me to say NO to drugs. I learned very well the importance of saying no to bad things… but where was the person to teach me that sometimes it is okay to say No to good things?

We have been conditioned to say NO to Bad things and Yes to Good things. So, how do you know when to say “Yes” or when to say “No”? Even when you know in your heart you should say no… habits are heard to break.  Why?

I did a quick google search on breaking habits. This was info that came from the first page I pulled up…

Scientists have come up with a host of reasons why humans stick to bad habits. Among the reasons:

— Innate human defiance.
— Need for social acceptance.
— Inability to truly understand the nature of risk.
— Individualistic view of the world and the ability to rationalize unhealthy habits.
— Genetic predisposition to addiction.

 “We tend to sort of live for now and into the limited future — not the long-term.”

This is definitely NOT what I was expecting to read. It hit me…

– Innate human defiance – We are all sinners. We are all born bent toward sin. We have an inherent pull toward things of the world.

– Need for social acceptance – From a young age we want to fit in. I remember distinctly when I got tired of being weird – of being the “goodie good”. I started to do things to “fit in”. I wish I knew then what I know now… It is okay to be weird. In fact, if you aren’t “weird” from the world’s perspective there is probably something you need to change about the way you are living. Where was the D.A.R.E class to teach us to “Just say no to normal?”
 
– Inability to truly understand the nature of risk – The definition of risk is : A situation involving exposure to danger. I know there are habits far worse than saying “yes” to everything. I know it is a little far-fetched, but there are certain risks involved when you become a “yes” person.

If your goal is to fulfill the purpose that God created you for, and mine is, then saying “yes” to all the good things can take up all the room in my life. Which leads to no rest, which is very dangerous, but also it can keep you from being available when the best things come along. 

– Genetic predisposition to addiction – I was blessed with giving parents and in many ways they both “yes” people. They taught me to care about others and to step up and help if I am able.  Which is a good thing!  I am glad they did not teach me to be selfish!!! But, I can just see a possible determinate as to why I am a “yes” person.

“We tend to sort of live for now and into the limited future – not the long-term” – This is true. We make decisions ourselves on if we should say yes or no based on what we know right now and the things we have planned. THIS IS WHY IT IS SOOOO IMPORTANT TO PRAY BEFORE WE MAKE A DECISION. We only know so much. But God sees the whole picture.

Okay, so obviously saying “yes” is not entirely a bad habit. We are called to be the hands and feet of Jesus, so saying yes to helping and doing for others is a good thing!

Which brings me to the million dollar question.
When is it the right thing to say “no”
to a good opportunity?

I believe the subject is way to complex to tackle in a short blog. I am getting a headache just trying to process it. I don’t even know if I have be best answer. However, I think the first thing you have to do is have a firm grasp on your priorities and understand what God has called you to do a.k.a “your purpose”. The other thing is that you have to realize you are just one person who has 24 hours in the day and no matter how great, creative, well-intentioned, clever, or resourceful you are there is only so much you can do.

Yes, it is true that we can do all things through Christ who gives us strength, but he did not create us to be and do everything on our own.  Every person was created for A purpose. Not Every Purpose.

When we try to be everything for everyone and always say “yes” we spread ourselves thin. We get tired, worn down, and overwhelmed. These well-intentioned “Yes’s” often are an obstacle that veers us from God’s intended purpose and path for our life.  

And that is why it is sometimes a good thing to say “no”. Because the wrong “yes’s” keep us from reaching God’s ultimate plan for our lives.

I found this article helpful and maybe so will you! 🙂

How to SAY “No” to others so you can say “Yes” to God
(a Proverbs 31 article)
Ask for time to decide

When someone asks for your help, ask for time to pray about it. If you don’t feel comfortable saying “pray,” then ask for time to “think.” Then take it to God. By establishing this pattern, you’ve built-in a response time, and eliminated a response based on emotion such as guilt or sympathy.

God may surprise you with His answer. It may be yes. It may be no. Either way, you are learning to seek God’s approval rather than man’s and that is the first step to a healthy schedule. Here’s how to say it:

I’d like to pray/think about that. When do you need an answer?

I need to check my schedule. I’ll get back to you in a few days.
Ask for more information

Get a complete picture of the task. Ask how much time it will take and what’s involved. You might also ask to speak with someone who has done it before. It’s called due diligence, and in doing it, you may discover a conflict that makes it easy to say no.

I’d like to know more. Can you write up a description of what’s involved?

That sounds interesting, but I’d like to get an accurate picture of what would be required of me before I say decide.
Scripts for saying “no”

If you don’t believe this request fits into your life at this time, then decline with a simple answer that doesn’t invite questions. Normally I express my appreciation and honor for being asked, and then offer a response like:

God is calling me to simplify my schedule. As much as I would love to help, I need to say no.

I’m trying to be a better steward of my time. As important as this request is, I hope you understand, but I need to decline.

I’m trying to focus on my main priorities, and need to say no at this time.

———
These are confident responses that show you’ve thought this out. Most people respect these types of answers, and respect you for giving them. Make sure you don’t open the door for a “yes” later on. It only postpones the inevitable, and increases your stress. But most importantly, learning to say “no” to others, creates opportunities for you to say “yes” to God.

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