Day: Tuesday, September 20th
Time: 2:30 am
Place: Mom’s house
Mood: I LOVE JESUS!
Uncovering the Kid in Me
Sometimes I see myself as shy or reserved. I tend to hold back and not say what I really feel I should say. I have a hard time standing in front of a crowd because I am self-conscious, and I have a fear of public speaking. I have been thinking a lot about who I have become and I realize I was not created to live this way.
When I was a kid I was fearless, and I have had stitches sewn into my head on 5 separate occasions with the scars to prove it! I was a girl on a mission and nothing or nobody got in my way. On top of being fearless I was strong as an ox. I have always wanted to be one of those graceful girls who are sweet and angelic, but I just never seem to be that girl. My mom likes to tell a story about how when I was about 3 years old we were moving a dresser from upstairs to down stairs. Of course I wanted to help and my mom pointed to a drawer and told me I could take some stuff down. She thought I would take something out of the drawer, but she says I walked over to the drawer full of stuff, picked the whole thing up, and carried it down stairs. She said she couldn’t believe it, but she just watched me go in awe.
My mom also likes to tell the story about how I was always a dictator in the nursery at church. Apparently if a kid stole a toy from another I felt the need to take it and give it back. And if I thought someone was not sharing I made sure that they shared. I wanted everyone to do the right thing, and I felt like it was my responsibility to make sure it happened.
When I was elementary school I would wait until there was a long paragraph in the textbook before I would volunteer to read. I wanted to the longest part. In middle school I volunteered to speak publicly because I loved it. I loved being in front of people and I was not afraid to stand up for what I believed in. When asked what I wanted to be when I grew up I answered with “a missionary and a writer.” It was met with criticism and I was given advice to point me in the direction of more “realistic” dreams.
I played basketball in Jr. High and my dad likes to remind me all the time that my nickname among the coaches who saw me play was “”Boss Hog”.” I’m not sure I even know what that is supposed to mean, but I was ruthless; I was a protector. I would guard and set screens for my teammates so they would have a clear shot at the basket. There wasn’’t ANYONE getting around me.
How did I go from being that fearless, strong, and courageous little girl who knew exactly who she was, to a woman who needs affirmation to move forward without fear, strives to please people and keep the peace, is afraid to speak in front of a crowd, and who tries at all costs to avoid confrontation?
Through this journey God has been peeling back the layers that have covered my life in order to remind me who He created me to be. Changing my mindset has not been easy though. It has been like ugly wallpaper that is a pain in the-you-know-what to remove. And as each layer came off another layer would emerge that was just as difficult to scrape clean.
The layers symbolize opinions of others, the hateful things people said to me, situations I went through, mistakes I made, lies I believed, and hardships I endured. I let those layers change the way I viewed myself. I realize that I allowed the world label and define me. I have been seeing myself through eyes of the world and not through the eyes of God. And even worse than that, I let the layers change who I am. The person who God originally created me to be had disappeared.
Slowly I veered from the innate characteristics and traits that God placed in me and started become what the world said I should be. I sacrificed God’s best because I wanted to fit in. I wanted to be accepted. I wanted to fit into the world’s “success” mold and the world’s “beautiful” mold.
Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.
WE ARE ALL MADE DIFFERENT.
WE ALL HAVE DIFFERENT STRENGTHS.
WE ALL BRING SOMETHING VALUABLE TO THE TABLE.
WE ALL ARE ON THIS EARTH TO FULFILL A UNIQUE MISSION.
WITH EVERY PERSON GOD CREATES HE BREAKS THE MOLD!
If we conform to the world we will not be able to accomplish our God-given mission.
I, Erin Webb, am a masterpiece created by my Father, Christ Jesus. I was equipped with unique gifts and designed specially and specifically to complete a purpose that was prepared just for me. I will embrace who I am, not run from it.
I will no longer live in fear that I am not what the world says I should be. I have uncovered the kid inside of me and I am not letting go of God’s best me so that I can be a second-rate, world-approved, version of myself.
Is it time for you to start scraping away the tacky and ugly layers of wall paper that have adhered to your life? I can promise they don’t flatter and showcase the best you. Maybe a trip down memory lane is in order so that you can discover the kid in YOU.