Day: Friday, September 30th
Place: In Beautiful Green Country
Mood: excited, scared, free falling…
Learning How to Live According to God’s Beautiful Timing
(The original title)
God’s timing is perfect. End of story.
But, this is one lesson that I seem to find myself struggling with on almost a daily basis. I am having a hard time of letting go of control. UGH! Why does that control keep sneaking in? I think I feel like if I control the timing then I control people’’s reactions and opinions of me. I have to daily remind myself that God is the One who I seek to please and follow. Sometimes I feel God telling me “”Let’s Get This Party Started!!!”” but out of fear (UGH! another ugly word) I am holding back. When will I figure out that if I want the best life, the one God has planned for me, I have to stop trying to hang on?
When I let go of control, the big picture comes into focus, and then I get scared that PEOPLE will question me. So like always I grab the handle bars in order to have control of the speed and the direction in which I am traveling.
Right now I am praying that I will surrender wholly and completely to Jesus. That I will not fear what is around the corner or people’s reactions. I know He will work out the details and that it is not up to me to figure everything out and make everyone happy and… and… and…
As I was writing this blog I stopped to pray and in the back of my mind I could hear the words “I’’m letting go”. I could not put a finger on the song that I was hearing so I did an internet search and realized it was the song I’’m Letting Go, by Francesca Battistelli.
Well, I listened to it and my heart is now pounding. I am having a struggle between taking the leap of faith and declaring God’s plans for my life, which was not the intended purpose of this blog, or continuing to hold it inside of me, waiting for what I believe is the perfect timing.
I watched Francesca explain the story behind I’m Letting Go and this is what she said:
“I’’m letting go is a song I wrote pretty soon after moving to Nashville a couple of years ago. I was sort of in this place where I had just graduated college and I was learning a new industry. And in this new life I was undertaking I did not know how things were going to turn out. I left a lot behind – my family, friends, home, church, everything I had known; everything that was comfortable.… I started telling my producers how I was feeling about needing to let go… and that is where this song I’’m Letting Go came from.
Wow. Her story reminded me very much of the point I am at in my life right now. The first line of her song is: My heart beats standing on the edge.
That is EXACTLY where I am right now, and I have to make that decision to take a leap of faith off the edge. I have to make the decision to trust what I believe God is telling me to do. At this moment I am having an internal battle…I keep telling myself I will come back and tell God’s plan for my life in a minute. I am thinking I will do it soon, maybe later today or tonight…. or tomorrow. But I feel the Holy Spirit saying why not NOW?
I may not do everything right…, but God sees my heart
I’’m Letting Go!
I am going to attend Graduate school to earn a Master’s Degree in Human Relations at OU-Tulsa. My prayer is to not accrue any additional school debt so to benefit my capability to be awarded scholarships I am moving to Tahlequah to get a job through Cherokee Nation.
I said it…. And it feels like I’’m falling, but that’’s what it’s like to believe.
I have to remember that God makes ALL things beautiful in HIS time and…
– Even though leaving my comfort zone is hard.
– Even though my friends, family, and church mean everything to me.
– Even though there is fear in the unknown.
– Even though I am letting go of the life I planned for me.
I know His plan is better than my plan
and that He will work everything together for good.
He is holding me in His hands and I won’t be afraid.
I’m Letting Go
by Francesca Battistelli