God, this is not my plan…

        

Four nights of little sleep + the inability to take a deep breath + PMS + the side effects of one of my 6 prescription medications = me an emotional wreck.

It has been a rough night and in the middle of all the tears and ugly thoughts a song from my childhood that I have not thought of in years popped in my head and stopped me in my tracks. I was questioning God. “God, your word says that if I seek you first all these things will be added unto me, but if that is true why when I listened to you and followed your lead did I lose one of my best friends. Why am I up again struggling to breathe and why do I have to take a medication that makes me shaky, dizzy, sweaty, and causes my skin to burn.  I know I’m not perfect and have made mistakes , but why am I turning 28 today and I am still alone. AND WHY do I keep sweating! I HATE this medication. Can’t I just stop taking this stupid stuff. God this is not my plan…” Then, in the middle of my meltdown I was reminded of a discussion we had at our last circle of friends meeting and I started naming off all the blessings I could think of. As I was listing them off these lyrics popped into my head:

Every promise in the Book is mine!

Every chapter, every verse, every line.

I am standing on His Word divine,

Every promise in the Book is mine! 

I never knew a song I learned when I was 10 would mean so much to me 18 years later. It is old school and old-fashioned and if you don’t believe me- listen to it here! I have gotten a kick out of some of the songs I used to sing as a kid, but I am glad I learned this one.

There is a lot I am uncertain of and even more I do not understand. Unexpected things will happen. I don’t know everything I am supposed to do, and even when I do know sometimes I will still mess it up. But I have to remember Paul’s words and follow the example he set, “I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 3:13-14) While things may not always go according to my plan, and even though I will suffer annoying roadblocks like PMS, sickness, and the lack of sleep – I know that every promise in the Book is mine. Every chapter. Verse. And Line. I am going to stand on His divine word, and claim His promises for my life. I am turning 28 years old today, and I know that although with my human eyes things don’t look the way I want them to, God has a great plan full of promise for my future.

Happy Birthday to Me 😉

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